A lot has been said about the Cornell 7 case. One popular reaction is the anger at the inaction of the 57 members of the Snapchat group who may have seen the now infamous messages suggesting that something off may have been taking place in the alumni room of the Chi Phi fraternity house.
Yet what we were really seeing is what happens when we live in a society where it’s a social norm to break laws without repercussion, where it’s more like, c’mon, everybody else does “fill-in-the-blank,” too. Crude language is commonplace enough that it’s just cultural noise and if one were to somehow recognize it as something more, speaking out would risk peer ostracization and other social and financial downsides. We are growing up confused and morally gray.
Various media reports have described the texts in the group chat as “crude, vulgar, demeaning, and horrifying.” Really? The language wasn’t pretty, but it wouldn’t be difficult to find similar terms used often in male-dominated forums, group text chats, locker rooms, and messaging apps. Popular, mainstream rap music is regularly explicit these days and lyrics drone on and on about “pussy, bitches, and hoes.” We’re desensitized, and the contents of the Snapchat without the lawsuit allegations, and the power of hindsight, weren’t particularly remarkable.
Let’s say, however, that an individual did eventually manage to infer that something fishy might be going on. How is it that we would expect college students to report on their peers or even stop their peers? Parents are guilty of embracing law-bending long before the kids reach college. Don’t we all know the legal age to consume alcohol is 21? Don’t many parents just look the other way or devise all other kinds of rules and boundaries to keep their kids “safe?” Some even buy their kids alcohol, reasoning that it’s safer. Or consider the simple use of e-scooters by minors. In California, the laws are quite clear and strict: riders must be at least 16 years old, possess a valid driver’s license, keep under 15 mph, stay off sidewalks, and wear helmets.
On a regular basis, my kids’ underage friends ride on sidewalks and public roads. Should I say something? What would I say? Am I going to be that parent? How do I know if the one time I ignore this behavior is going to be the one time that results in death or injury? Many of the parents knowingly break this law – what would I achieve by saying anything except to brand myself as an overprotective, uptight parent? When is it ok to law-bend and when is it time to put your foot down? What if the rules keep changing on you? How do you know? Ironically, at one point, Jane Doe told a fraternity brother that “it’ll get better” and that “everyone needs to grow up cause sexuality and sex and s–t is changing and stuff like this is going to become more common.” Had they all been exposed to a bit too much online porn and OnlyFans?
Do we think that having older, wiser adults at the helm would change things? In Epstein’s network, there were many leaders, educators, and successful businessmen, and women who at the very least had a clue that something was “off” about his dealings. Did anyone bother to say anything, investigate further, or report him? They were afraid to be cut off from his wealth, connections, and apparent social standing, or worse, they were participants. At the least, they were bystanders, too, with probably as much or more knowledge than the 57 Cornell Chi Phi fraternity members had about what was going on.
Society’s normalization of deviance is pervasive, and increasingly so, with social media and algorithms amplifying questionable social norms and with minority behavior being able to attract as many eyeballs as majority perspectives. We can no longer separate whether a trend is socially acceptable or just a vocal minority. Yes, it’s hard to be a bystander and it’s actually getting hard to recognize if you’re in a situation where you are one.
